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Detective Pandora

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Previous: Grieving by Lopoddity


"Shh. Be very quiet."


"Stealth is my middle name, Cuppy."


Pandora slunk noiselessly forward, nosing her way around the dark, dank study. She held a lantern in one paw, and carefully examined rows of tepid potions, all turned to sludge without a brewer to tend to them. A single book lay open and abandoned upon a work desk, the pages fluttering softly.


"....I don't like this, boss." Cupcake murmured, her ears slicked back with concern. "....We shouldn't be here."


"Why not?" Pandora shot her minion a wry smile. "Honestly. A big, tough soldier like you, afraid of the dark?"


"It's not the dark I'm afraid of-"


A gaunt shape suddenly launched itself screaming out of the shadows, startling the pair. Pandora squawked in alarm and fumbled her lantern-but in one smooth motion, Cupcake spun upon her hooves and bucked, sending the would-be assailant flying. The attacker crashed to the ground in a heap, their head lolling unnaturally-but scrambled to their hooves in an instant, hissing with fury. The light of the lantern revealed sallow, sunken-in flesh, and a face that'd rotted away long ago. Midnight's most successful experiment.

The corpse advanced like an angry guard dog, it's lone eye focused upon the two intruders. Cupcake shoved Pandora aside, and reared up to fight-but jerked at a sudden, sharp squeak. Bertram's limp, tattered ears pricked immediately, and he looked to something behind her.

Pandora had conjured a squeaky toy, and she gave it another squeeze. Bertram's hackles went down, and he let out a whine.

"That's it, Bertram. Easy now, good boy. We're not here to cause any trouble, promise." Pan smiled gently, and tossed the toy from one paw to another, and Bertram's eye followed it. "We just want to get a good look at your mistress, okay? Cuppy and I are doing a little investigation of our own. You'll let us through, right?"


"Boss, you're talking to a corpse. He won't answer you."


Bertram turned and snarled at the sound of Cupcake's voice-but Pan quickly hooked a claw under his chin and scratched where his jawbone met a patch of raw, exposed tendon-and Bertram made a gurgling noise almost like a purr, thumping his tail in contentment.

"I know, Cupcake, but it won't kill us to spare the poor lad a bit of kindness. Who's a good boy?" Pandora  cooed. She kept up the scritchies, even as Bertram began to lightly chew her arm, drooling. "I mean, it's got to be a lonely existence. Without Midnight, Bertram no longer has a purpose-"

Bertram jerked at the sound of his mistress' name, and whined. He pulled away from Pan at once and began shuffling away, retreating back into the darkness.

Pan and Cupcake shared a glance, then pursued, following the sounds of the zombie's soft, frantic whines. Pan snapped her talons, and the candles along the walls same ablaze, illuminating the study with unsettling green light. And there, in the center of the room, rested Bertram-his body curled protectively around the crystal statue that had once been Midnight Abyss.

"....There she is." Cupcake said softly.

"Aye." Pan heaved a theatrical sigh. "Alas, poor Midnight-I knew her, Cupcake. A lady of most infinite gloom, of most dour a demeanor-"

"Boss, that is hardly appropriate." Cupcake chided, fixing Pandora with a frown. "Midnight's passing was all too recent. Give some time for the dust to settle before you make any jokes."

"Oh, but Midnight loved joking about death." Pan pouted. "And as one witch to another, it's my sacred duty to uphold my sense of humor in the face of her grisly demise. It's witch code, Cuppers. She'd have done the same for me."

"Oh, I'm sure." Cupcake said dryly. "....Always full of good humor, that Midnight Abyss." 

"In any case," Pan continued, her long tail lashing- "Midnight wouldn't have appreciated anybody letting the dust settle. The longer we wait, the colder the trail gets, Cuppy." Pan's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "...Just between us.....I don't buy that this was an accident. Something's not quite right here...there's chaos afoot."

"You're sure?" Cupcake looked unconvinced. "There were no signs of struggle at the scene of the incident. There haven't been any local reports of other ponies getting petrified. Princess Twilight said what happened was most likely an accident-perhaps Midnight tampering with a curse that backfired on her. Even Starlight and Sunset have come to agree at this point, boss."

"Oh, hogwash. Hogwash, poppycock, and undiluted balderdash." Pan snorted, rolling her eyes. "Having a spell blow up in one's face-that's my thing, Cups. I tamper with magic and bend the rules. Midnight didn't. Midnight Abyss was nothing, if not the most perfectly planned pinnacle of precision I've ever met. I don't think she ever let out a fart if it wasn't pre-scheduled two weeks in advance. The old girl might have sought out undead forces to join in their hellish crusade, but she was not dumb enough to turn herself into an installation piece. Not by accident, no sir." Pandora rubbed at her chin thoughtfully, examining the statue. She waved her paw in front of the lifeless crystal eyes, then snapped her claws, casting a restoration spell-but the statue remained unaffected. "...Hmm." Pan mused, floating in the air, ".....It's just like Mom said. The lights are off and nopony's home-the statue is just an empty husk........without the foggiest scrap of a soul left inside." She conjured an enormous, oversized magnifying glass and held up to the dull crystal surface, her lip curling in frustration.

"Not Petram Petrificus....certainly not a spell as basic as Petrus Solida....no, it's unlike any blasted curse or hex I've ever read about....what is it, and why can't I undo it?" She snapped the digits of her paw again and again, casting every counter-curse she could think of, but the statue remained as it was, grey and inert. Bertram raised his head from where he lay, and regarded the draconequus with a reproachful look. "Not a curse, not an accident-but I still can't make heads or tails of it! What is it?"

"It's umbrage quartz." Cupcake said softly, surprisingly Pandora. The little earth pony strode forward, and lightly tapped the crystalline surface of the statue. "Similar to diamond, it's a hard mineral comprised almost entirely of carbon, known for it's dim, murky coloration." Cupcake paused, thinking. "....It's found nearly exclusively in underground deposits out in the Frozen North, near the Crystal Empire."

"Mm, very riveting stuff, Cups." Pan drawled. "I'm glad you, at least, enjoyed Missus Maud's geology lectures. But I don't see how rock fun facts help us much now, dearie." She frowned, turning her gaze once more upon Midnight. "....There has to be something we're missing. Some tiny detail that Mom overlooked-but I'll unravel this mystery, even if it takes all Luna-damned night!"

"....Sir." Cupcake drew in a breath, watching her now-manic boss frantically inspecting the statue from every angle. "......Is it possible you've got some.....ulterior motive for doing all this?"


Pandora froze, still clutching her magnifying glass. She offered her minion a cheerful grin, one that was just a little too wide. ".....Why.....whatever do you mean, dearie?"


Cupcake paused, attempting to find the right words. "I'm just wondering if it's at all possible that you're perhaps attempting to reframe a mundane tragedy as some great, wacky mystery adventure.......one that you, and only you, can possibly solve....in perhaps some sort of.......disguised ego trip."


The smile slid from Pandora's face. "....That would be completely horrible of me, Cupcake."


"Yes." Cupcake's voice was becoming tired. Stern. "But, boss, you must understand....we've broken into the house of two grieving mothers and violated the privacy of a dead girl. All because of some vague hunch you claim to have."


Pandora flinched at that. "Cuppy, I-"


"Princess Twilight Sparkle is the greatest magical mind alive. She believes that what happened to Midnight was an accident, and that it cannot be undone-certainly not by any of us. Frankly, boss, I can't help but wonder if all of this might be some sort of misguided attempt at one-upping your mother. I have to ask what it is, exactly, you're trying to prove."


"I...." Pandora swallowed, fiddling with her paws-but Cupcake's knowing glare obliterated any lie she could hope to think up. "I.....well, you make it sound so bad." Pandora admitted finally, heaving a sigh. "....Is it such a terrible thing to hope? The idea that I could maybe....fix something Mom couldn't?" She glanced at the crystal statue, studying her reflection in it. "Mom said nopony could hope to undo this caliber of dark magic-but I thought maybe, some draconequus-

"Hopes and dreams are fine, but the dead must be respected." Cupcake said stiffly. "Midnight is not a prop for you to use in your fantasies of greater glory. Her fate is tragic, and she deserves an undisturbed rest." At the scolding, Pandora bowed in a little upon herself, like a child that'd been reprimanded. She played listlessly with her paws, suddenly very interested in the floor.

Cupcake sighed, then turned to go. "...Come on, boss. We're leaving."


".....Okay."


Pandora stepped forward with her head bowed, her shoulders slumped with disappointment-so forlorn, in fact, that she didn't notice when her hoof snagged on Bertram's foreleg. She fell, landing flat on her face with a yowl.

"Owie." Pan heaved herself up with effort, rubbing at her sore nose. She swung her head back to glare at the offending zombie. "Oh that is it, Mister, you just lost out on some choice goodbye chin scritch-....." Her voice trailed off.

Bertram lay slumped over at the foot of the statue, his surviving eye even dimmer than usual. When Pan called his name, he couldn't seem to muster the strength to lift his head, so he instead gave a single thump of his tail, and let out a gurgle-that broke suddenly into a wheeze.


Cupcake appeared at Pan's side, her brows knitting in concern. "What's wrong with him?"


Realization crashed down upon Pan. "....Midnight's spell is dying." She said, voice hushed. "Bertram is only able to exist through Midnight's magic. Without her around to feed the spell, he's fading away."


Cupcake looked from the corpse to the statue. "What should we do then, boss? Should I wake up Starlight? Sunset? Your mother-"


"No, no." Pan sighed, forcing up a tired smile for her minion. "I'm capable of recharging a spell, at least." One of her paws began to glow with swirling magenta magic, and she reached toward Bertram, petting his head. "With a flick of my wrist I can extend old Bert's battery life quick, no worries-" She froze suddenly, her entire body going still.


"Boss?" Cupcake reached out a hoof. "Are you okay?"


"Cuppy." Pandora breathed, eyes going wide. "Bertram. Bertram knows."


".....Boss?"


"He knows." Pan repeated, her voice full of disbelief. She whirled upon Cupcake, seizing her minion's cheeks. "Bertram was there, Cupcake! He was there that night with Midnight-I remember, Starlight said his howling was how they were able to find Midnight in the first place! Bertram was there-and he knows what happened to her!"


Cupcake looked down at the sluggish corpse. "....Bertram has the intelligence of a border collie, boss. Even if he does know what happened, he couldn't possibly communicate it to you."


"Oh that is where you are wrong, my dear, sweet, beautiful minion!" Pandora grinned, bright and cat-like. "It's all so clear to me now! Reanimating a corpse wasn't going far enough! No matter how much eye shadow she globbed on, Midnight was still a cute little pink pony, eternally bound to the forces of harmony magic! She was limited in how much she could meddle with the undead-because doing so goes against nature-against harmony itself! But I'm a draconequus, Cuppy! I'm not restrained by the forces of harmony-I am Chaos! I can do what Midnight couldn't do, Cuppy! I can give Bertram a real mind-and a voice! I can grant sentience to a corpse!" Pandora hugged Cupcake tight and burst into cackles, whirling in a happy, bouncy little circle.


"Boss." Cupcake said, squirming in Pan's hold. "Pardon my language, but that is completely kooky-dooks." She finally managed to break free, and fixed Pan with her best schoolteacher glare. "Don't you remember your mother's entire semester on magical ethics? The implications of making a dead pony sentient-I can think of at least twenty-six Equestrian ethical violations-" 

Pandora held up a paw. "Cupcake, I know. I wrote the book on Equestrian ethical violations. Or at least, my mother did, after that one time I made it rain screaming spiders in Fillydelphia. You're not seeing the bigger picture, my dear." She seized Cupcake's hooves in her paws, her eyes burning with determination. "This will give us an answer. That's the most important thing. Starlight and Sunset-you weren't there, Cupcake." Pan swallowed. "You didn't see how destroyed they looked, like every word out of Mom's mouth was a killing blow for them. You didn't hear Mom....she's-Mom is the smartest pony I know, the best at magic, the best at harmony-there isn't a problem she can't solve, no puzzle she can't think her way out of, but that night....I had to hear my mother stumble and cry and give answers that she admitted weren't really answers at all. Just....the best guesses she could make."


"Panny-"


"So....yeah, Cuppy. Maybe there is some dumb, selfish little cubbie in me that just wants-I dunno-to impress my mom?" Pan looked away. "And maybe it's a dumb hunch, or a feeling or whatever-but I know I can help, Cupcake. Starlight, Sunset, my mom....they deserve better than guesses. They do. Midnight Abyss deserves a real answer. A-And if there's any chance I can give it to them-any chance that I can do even the teeniest, dumbest, most insignificant morsel of good-" From where it was buried in Pan's ruff of chest fur, her six-pointed star mark had begun to glow, faintly at first, then so brightly that it began to sparkle.


Pandora lifted her head, her features bathed in the glow from her star-and when she spoke, her voice was firm. Cupcake gazed at her, spellbound.


"I'm getting that answer, Cupcake. Are you in or out?"



"Urgh." Cupcake groaned.....before slumping against Pan, resting their foreheads together. ".....Always, Princess."


Pandora flushed hot pink, her moment of regal confidence instantly evaporating, and she gave a doofy, lop-sided smile that made Cupcake feel an odd warmth inside. Panicking at the proximity, Pan released Cupcake's hooves and gave an embarrassed little cough, returning her attention back to the zombie. "Ahem. Er...yes, Bertram."


"Can you really make him sentient?" Cupcake's gaze held on Bertram, the magnitude of the situation sinking in. Her muscles tensed with unease.


"I can try." Pandora said simply.


She placed her paw on Bertram's head, and gently scratched him behind the ears. She summoned magic out from her core, and the study began to charge with energy, like air before a lightning strike, humming with some unseen force. Pandora's eyes began to glow white, and her fur and mane billowed in a magical wind that seemed to affect only her.

Bertram whined, so she paused, petting him until he lay still again, resting his head against her palm.


The humming in the air now grew louder. An enormous sphere of sparkling magenta magic began to gather at the center of Pan's chest star, distorting the room with violet light. The spell charged to a crescendo and finally burst-engulfing the room with the boiling might of chaos magic.

Cupcake shook herself at the feel of Pan's magic-it always made her stomach feel like it was full of electrified fizzy rock candy. She shook herself, feeling the magic dissolve into the air. The study was filled with glittering pink smoke, and she coughed, fanning the air to try and clear it away. Through the smoke, she made out Pandora slumped over, panting at the magical exertion, and she made out another shape. Bertram was sitting upright, watching the pair with an alert eye.


"Did it work?" Cupcake took a careful, measured step toward the zombie, scanning him for any sorts of dangerous magical side-effects. "...He's not saying anything, boss."


Pandora coughed, fanning away the last of the smoke. "Ha, give him a minute, Cuppers. He could still be processing his newfound cognition and self-awareness. Or perhaps he lacks language acquisition-ah, it's a shame Mom isn't here, she'd have a field day with the neuropsychological implications." She mused. After a moment, she approached Bertram, slowly, so as not to frighten him. "Me Panny." She said, placing her paw on her chest, before pointing to him. "You Bertram."


Bertram looked at her blankly, cocking his head. Pan faltered, a million anxious doubts flickering through her mind. "U-um....ah, maybe he doesn't respond to 'Bertram' anymore. A-after all, it's never to late to remodel your identity!" She gave a loud, nervous laugh. "Me sorry." She said, wringing her paws. "Me Panny." Again, she pointed at herself, then to him. "You...?"



Bertram turned to face Cupcake. "....I have some concerns about your friend's intelligence."


Cupcake startled, and Pandora let out a surprised, delighted squee-one she had to quickly muffle behind her paws. "Oh my good golly goodness!! Bertram! You're alive! You can speak!" She scooped the zombie pony up in an excited hug, although Bertram seemed more interested in examining his hooves.


"Am I alive?" He asked. His voice was oddly flat and low-pitched-not unlike Midnight's. It emanated from a ball of faint magical light in his throat, and he thus seemed to have no trouble speaking, even without lips. His eye now seemed capable of emoting-yet with all his newfound emotional capacity, he only looked bored. "....So this is sentience. Is this what it's like for other ponies all the time? I am conflicted. Dare I spend my time aching to comprehend the meaning of my existence, searching for purpose in the random universe....In a world of candy-colored equines with our destinies forever stamped upon our flanks, is existence truly deterministic, or am I free to choose my own way?" Bertram pondered. "....Is it wrong then if I choose to simply lie in bed with my squeaky toy?"


Pandora beamed with pride. "Look at our boy, Cupcake. Not even five minutes old and already weighing existential quandaries versus lazing in bed avoiding people." She smiled at Bertram. "You really are related to Midnight Abyss."


Bertram jerked. "Midnight." He lifted a hoof to his forehead, wincing. "...M-Mistress...."


Both Pan and Cupcake leaned forward, waiting with bated breath. "Bertram, it's okay." Pan said softly, nodding as Cupcake placed a comforting hoof on his back. "Everything will be okay. You can tell us what happened that night. Everypony thinks Midnight had a bad accident-"


"....Accident?" Bertram glanced up, a flicker of anger crossing his face. "Yes. Perhaps it was. At least at first. Ah, but then, it became a sickening opportunity for a....a loathsome little parasite-" He snarled, shaking himself.


"Mistress and I were in the graveyard. I remember.....there was a pony sitting all alone. Midnight went to talk to the pony, and told me to continue gathering up poison hemlock for a potion. I had just filled the last basket when there was a flash of blinding red light-and I saw it all. The pony used a weapon-some sort of horn tied around his neck-to rip out Midnight's very essence, leaving only the crystal husk. Then he took her magic, her spirit, everything that made her her, and poured it into himself, to make his own magic stronger."


Pandora had begun wringing her tail, and she traded anxious glances with Cupcake. "A pony, stealing magic?"


"We have to let everypony know now. Who know how many ponies could possibly be in danger?"


"I can't wrap my head around it." Pandora frowned. "Ponies can't steal magic, it goes against Harmony. Only creatures of dark magic can do something like that-Bertram, are you certain it wasn't perhaps a rogue changeling, disguised as a pony? Did you get a good look at him? Even the foggiest detail will help."


Bertram looked to her. "Yes, I got a very good look at him. I will tell you everything I know."


"O-Oh." Pan breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. What can you tell us about him?"


"He was a tall, scrawny unicorn with dirty hair, as though he'd been living for many days outside. He wore a dark, patchy cloak-but Mistress wasn't afraid to approach him. She spoke to him civilly, as though they'd known each other a long time."


Something was niggling in the back of Pan's mind, but she ignored it. "Yes, thank you, Bertram, please-go on."


"He had a pale white pelt, and up close, I could see that his mane was blonde and blue. I especially remember his long, skinny tail, very unusual for a pony-it was similar to illustrations I'd seen of Starswirl the Bearded-but on him, it reminded me of a rat. "


A slow, sinking feeling began in Pandora's gut. "...Oh."


"But the most important thing-" Bertram continued. "-Is that I overheard Mistress speak the rat's name."


Pandora reached a paw over to clutch Cupcake's hoof, suddenly feeling so sick she could vomit. Cupcake's face was ashen, and the pair braced for the name that'd already trickled into the backs of their minds. Bertram hissed it, as though it tasted foul on his tongue.



"Moondancer."




"....Oh no."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




cat's outta the bag


this "chapter" of the story's been niggling around in my head for months, finally sat down and drew it today. Experimented a lot with atmosphere and light

this mystery is turning out a lot less wacky that pandora hoped.....


the design of midnight's study was greatly inspired by this amazing bit of fanart: PMOL Contest: Mishaps



Star! View the Pandoraverse main story arc in chronological order here! Star!


Star! Star! Like my work? Consider buying me a coffee! :D

NextGen: Cupcake by Lopoddity NextGen: Pandora by Lopoddity NextGen:Midnight Abyss by Lopoddity
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tricolorCarrion's avatar

Bertram is by far my favorite